I'm hoping to God that I manage to get a replacement system for the one my father essentially stole. I'm reaching the point where I have a million-and-a-half ideas for my music, yet no means to go about them. Clue in the need to advance more upon my Ikusa projects, as well as the desire to make my school life six-hundred times easier, and the hope turns a little more dire each day.

Anydamnway. I've hit a wall with female voice talent, simply because I'm getting no response - even from the one person who emailed me with her intrerest. I've since replied twice over, but I'm getting nothing from her. Even my forums aren't showing me the feedback I need. Hell, I pinned the topic I asked in just so it would stay in view - yet, ever since I pinned it, not one person has posted in it! Fuck.

However, while that's a blemish on my progress, I do have some good, shiney, tasty new content to go with. For example, I finally got around to drawing out a world map of the game, with a focus on the two main lands - the Southern Continent ((still need a name for it...)) and the Farthen Realm. After taking up a whole sheet of paper before I could finish the Farthen, I realized how small I made the world. The Farthen isn't even finished, but it can devour the Southern Continent, and every island in the way!

Not too much of an issue, but I realize: "If the Farthen is gonna be so much bigger, it leaves mountainous opportunities for extra content in Purgatory, or any other game following. So how the hell am I gonna explain this one away?!?"

I'm just gonna ignore this cartography fact for a little while longer, and focus on the current issue. You know, my technological deprivation.

Rush News!:
-Installed a replacement router at home. Now out internet speed is about six seconds faster. Woot? It only took me three days of pouring over the manual and a 25-minute phone call to get the damn thing set up.
-About an hour after I woke up this morning, emergency services came to the home of one of my neighbors. Hoping to find out what's what when I get home again.
-My allergy medicines are total fail. *Sniffle*
-Ah, I think my phone is four drops away from breaking in half!
-Between the router and me playing driver for my family, I've gotten next to zero studying time in. Hey, no big - finals are only in a week!!! *Madrant*

Lessee...the Ikusa project "officially" started in mid-December of 2008. But I had been working on the "storyline" since '03. Putting it off and on again, losing it, finding it, inspirations, depreciation, lack of funds, excess of time, blahblahnobodycares. POINT IS, I had started to adapt the Ikusa storyline for the game sometime in 2003. And today...FINALLY...I finish the primary plot!

A storyline seven years in the making? I guess you could say that.

This thing had gone through SO MUCH in the last several years. Hah, if I could go back to when I started, and see where I am now, I would call it a lie. So much has evolved since I first began playing around with it after the roleplay closed. Meiko and Izuma having stuff in common? Yep, right from the start. But Kitame' fighting her brother, and Morianna being the cause of Izuma's and Meiko's curses? Um, yeah, new. Very new, and very much appreciated. The story is almost deep enough to take a swim in. With a family. Of thirty. Fully grown. Elephants.

Woot woot! I'm happeh for this! Now, this just leaves the computer I'll need, the music, the voice actors...the artwork...the animations...the...extra content...the mapping...of the locations...the programming...and the...switches...as well as...other...things...to do...

...

*Gets back to work*

Gah!!! I've been focusing so much on Ikusa and schoolwork, that I can't tell the difference between the two anymore! I had dream about me sitting in my living room reading up on economics, when the TV turned on and start playing Conclusive Trials! What da eff???

*Gasp...pant...*

Anyway...in my hunt for diverse voice talent for my game, I finally found time to ask a set of forums I manage on another site. The male/female ratio is maybe 2:1, so with a community of over a dozen, there's bound to be some kind of feedback. I just hope it's good feedback - I can't have one girl voice over three parts.

I'm dying to resume work on my music! I really want to try out different ideas for Believer and Honorbound, but I can't - no machine to call my own. Damn you, low wages!

*Continues ranting elsewhere*

Serious Trials. Amethyst Tears. Flame of the North. Red Rain. Fallen on MIst. Shattered Vein.

Believer. New Dawn. Honorbound. Blind Hunter. The Deathbringer.

Just a small taste of all the musics I have and need to make in order to completely fill out my Ikusa: Lands of War soundtrack for Wartorn. Up until now, I had been tackling ths monster of an audio list solo.

I'm proud to say that those days have ended. Xilian's theme, Sadist, is a reality. And I could not possibly be happier with the result.

*MSN conversation between StaticStigma and Leoshi, approx. 1 PM CST*

You have successfully received G:\Xilian's Theme.mp3 from Brian.

-BlackStatic says:
?
-Leoshi says:
...
um...
all I can say is "wow"
*Listens again for a bit*
-BlackStatic says:
hahahaha
-Leoshi says:
wow...words can't describe how impressed I am.
I hear this, and I feel like Xilian is behind me, ready to tear out my insides...
dude, this is perfect.
Perfect!
-BlackStatic says:
hahahaha, AWESOME

Mmm...Sadist sounds SO awesome. I swear I feel Xilian behind me right now...

Well, next on my agenda: 1) Eargasm to Sadist some more, 2) Map out the Southern Continent complete with regions and environments, 3) Get an idea for Believer - and then, Wrath and Pride.

Thank you, Brian! Thank you!!!

Huh. You know, sometimes I fail to really appreciate all the work that's being done on my Ikusa game project. A month ago, I had mapped out eight crucial points for the first game - things like Story, Characters, Bonus content, etc. After averaging out the completion on everything, my overall percentage complete stood at a mocking 56%.

And now, in only one month's time, it's leapt up to 71%.

Heh...fifteen percent in one month? And this is without even being able to work with the software - all I've been doing in writing out the storyflow and ideas in a black composition book I now carry everywhere. I'm impressed - surprised, even. It feels good, to know how far my chronic writing is taking me...even though I know, more than ever, how much more work needs to be done to make my dream a reality.

That said, I'm in the market for a desktop. Something smooth that'll run both RMXP and RMVX with little to no hitches. Really, all I need is my tax return, and I'll be set to make that dream come true! Haha.

Oh, and since I needed the help, I requested my great friend Brian to make a character theme for me. Xilian, the sadistic, dark, f*cking evil Demon General you'll have the option of fighting throughout the game! Thanks to my lack of personal computers, I haven't been able to get his latest update - but, from the first one I heard, I will not be disappointed! Thank you, Brian, you're awesome!

Rush News!:
-Scrapped my FFVIII copy on my PSP for FFVII. Reason...um, laziness.
-Have another gauntlet of exams in a week's time. *Shot*
-I'm so sick of sacrificing my time and resources for others.
-My watch works again! Now my left arm feels like deadweight...but hey, my watch works again!
-I have a soda from Sonic sitting in my car.

There are times when my days and my life are going so well, I just want to drive out somewhere with my friends and chill. Forget our responsibilites, forget our troubles, forget our worries, even for a few short hours.

Other times, I'm made into a broken mass of pain, with one phrase repeating itself: "Nice guys finish last."

It's odd. Despite all the sacrifices I've been making for my family, they don't seem to notice - or appreciate it. They fail to acknowledge the troubles I'm fighting through, instead choosing to place their wants and problems in front of my own. And I know why they do it, too. It's because they know I'll do whatever I can to help them.

Shouldn't sacrifice come with reward? Shouldn't my suffering and torment come to an end that justifies the means? I've been dealing with numerous conflicts and demons for the last four months, all of which seem to make every new day just a little bit darker and longer.

I won't let up - I can't. I have too much going on to simply abandon it all, and I have too many dreams and plans that have gone unrealized. But there are times that I simply wonder to myself, "Is any of this worth it all?"

I work in a horrible job. I do a damn good job there. I sacrifice my freedom and time for my family. My family demands more. I maintain contact with friends. My family condemns me for it. I focus on schoolwork and income. My family overlooks it all.

Nice guys finish last, indeed.

Wow. Thanks to one single idea I had four nights ago, I now have several new plans for my Ikusa game series. And, as a result, the storyline that I've been perfecting for the last seven years is now completely obsolete.

*Facepalm*

It's great that the storyline and plot are ten times better, but damn...who can I talk to in order to get the last seven years of my time and sanity back?

Ugh...anyway, as a result of these superior storylines, I'm now seriously considering making an official, albeit small, website for the game(s). I've already begun searching for people willing to add in voice effects for the series, and five of my friends have graciously offered their vocal chords. Still need some female talents, though.

Now all I need is my own computer again, and all the software I used before. RMXP, Audacity, FL, Photoshop...gahh, looks like I'll have to pull overtime again.

Anyone willing to swap daily lives with me? My body's stuck in a 16-hour cycle: eight hours of work, eight hours of sleep. There's no third set to make the day 24 hours long - I've lost that along the way.

Man, I'd give almost anything for an energy shot right now. *Dies*

I turned twenty on Monday, the 22nd. Three days ago. I don't think I'm ready to be twenty.

It's odd, yeah? Having spent so much time as a teenager, being allowed to make some stupid mistakes and be an ass. Now, people are gonna expect me to hold higher standards I know little about. Ah well. I'll just deal with it the same way I've dealt with things my whole life - take it in stride and don't fret.

Know what I got? One of the gifts I received was a small, 4GB MP3 player. It was great, because I knew I couldn't listen to sixty tracks on my PSP day in and day out. 200+ on a smaller player works much better. But, naturally, my bad luck streak with players had to continue. This one decided to completely shut off and become unresponsive while it still held over 70% charge.

Annoying, no? I wasn't able to do anything with it until this morning, when I pulled it out from its' USB charger. It had enough power to tell me it had no power. Gahhhh...

...Now time for Rush News!

-Beat Dissidia last night. Chaos is a betch.
-Been nearly two months since I've been able to work on my original music. I'm going into withdrawal.
-POM.net is still awesome.
-College work is throwing me curveballs.
-My hair is short. I feel light.

Had to go through a lot in the last week. I was hoping I would be able to continue work on my latest musical endeavor, but...well, events proved to make it impossible for now.

I was living with one of my old high school friends, yeah? Things were going great until about a month ago, when he and his family took in another guy who was my age. Since then, all of a sudden, I was the enemy in their territory, and was no longer welcome. You know, even though I was the only one who was paying them rent to live there.

I was run out by freeloaders.

Despite all I've done for them, I had no choice but to get my effects and leave as quickly as I could. I feel like they didn't bother to notice how good their lives had become since I moved in with them. My actions hadn't changed since I first moved in around August, yet...they decided NOW to find any issue with them.

It gives me a headache just thinking about it.

...well, after it's all said and done, I'm back to living with the family. We've made a plan so I can get back out into the real world in about four or five months - in the meantime, I'm trying to get back into school, so I can get paid to do what I love. And, as you all know, what I love most is to make your ears bleed with my 'musical endeavors.' :)