Continuing on from my last rant/blog/journal/post. Over the last several days, I've borne witness to many different things. Nearly all of them contained within the confines of Personal lives and Professional, as stated in my last post. But a third category makes itself known: Family. And not just the ties of blood - rather, the ties of experience that cause you to think of a group of friends as a "second family," or "home away from home."

I know that nothing is worse than the pain of suffering alone. As a growing man entering the rushing torrent that is society, I've had to experience a million things that nothing could have prepared me for. Some of them, I've had help on. Some of them, others were with me to guide me, pull me out, or - thank God - take charge and give me a chance to sit back. But still, some of them, nobody else has ever known about.

I'm no expert, and certainly not a psyche doctor, but I know enough through my experiences and troubles to know when one of my friends is suffering. It's like a three-ring circus, with me balancing three lives from my ten-foot-high perch in the center. In one circle, I mediate the needs and wants of my life in society, working my shift, filing reports, and dealing with general bullshit. In another circle, I lay my talents bare before my family, where they request them, look down on them, exploit them, or reward them - often in that order. In the third circle, my own, personal life dwells, complete with all the knowledge I have on my friends and personal goals.

Despite the torture I put myself through in balancing these three aspects, I find myself satisfied with the results of one. The personal ring.

Wednesday, the third, was a successful day in that regard. I was again blessed with an opportunity to spend time with my friends, just for the sake of spending time with each other. I had meant to use the opportunity to talk to them about Ikusa, but after I started to crash at Cici's, I figured it didn't matter at that point. So, forgetting about the game for the day, we had lunch, we got drinks, we went swimming, we had fun. Even in the aftermath of everything, we were all just tired and happy.

However, because the Personal Ring was a huge success, it threw off the balance of the Society and Family Rings. Not just my own, either - I understand that two of the people I was with on Wednesday experienced something similar. This just proves to me that, the way my life is going right now, I can take one step forward - but I'll be forced to take two steps back. A 33% gain in one Ring, then a total loss of 67%. I'm trapped by the Three Rings.

Still, this is all just conjecture and assumption. I'm only twenty, for God's sake. I've still got many more years to go before I can say anything is holding me down. For now, I can only try to bring the Society and Family Rings up to the level of the Personal Ring, and balance them from that point. At least then, things will be better for this writer.